Goodnight, John-boy: Chapter 20
In which Dave comes under increasing pressure from his mother to infiltrate a Knight's ceremony and shoot Fab Keen. Will he cave – or can he drown her out with some Prog Rock?
Welcome to Book Two of my dark comedy thriller series, Read Em And Weep.
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If you’re new to the Read Em And Weep series, start with Book One: Serial Killer.
HE FOUND HIMSELF PONDERING, yet again, on the mystery of his mother’s murder. It always seemed to come back to Konrad. The boy who had died. The Canon still seemed to be the main suspect. Peter Maudling had accused him of being responsible, before they took him away and fried his brains.
Konrad had been staying at a weekend holiday home run by the Knights and the Virgin Soldiers and, according to the inquest, had climbed out onto the roof, slipped, and fallen to his death. He was known to be a disturbed child. The Canon and Mrs Czar confirmed this version of events, but Dave’s mum was not asked to give evidence. The coroner, Mr Czar, recorded a verdict of death by misadventure.
His whole school turned out for Konrad’s funeral. Mother St Vincent, head of the Sisters of Sorrow, said a little soul had gone to Jesus, and there was a splendid Requiem Mass in his honour, officiated over by a sombre Canon. But Dave sensed something was wrong. Especially with the things he knew about the Canon, and how his mother was always warning him never, ever, to be alone with him.
But, like the other kids, he saw his time as a pupil at St. Mary’s rather like being a prisoner in the German POW camp in The Wooden Horse. You didn’t get involved in the misfortunes of other prisoners, you had enough misfortunes of your own. You got through your sentence as best you could, keeping your head down, avoiding the attention of the guards, always on the look out for a way to escape.
Konrad had found a way. Not a wooden horse, but a wooden box.
Jean was still keeping up her relentless demands on him not only to solve her murder, but to deal with Fabulous Keen. And he was still ignoring her. They had had these mental battles before. She may have won in the past, but he was ready for her this time.
Even though she had now introduced a date: July 22.
Just two weeks away.
He didn’t care if the clock was ticking. It wasn’t going to happen.
She sat opposite him in his turret, lit a Park Drive and announced: ‘22nd July, the Feast of Mary Magdalene. Fabulous Keen will be at the Knights of St Pancras ceremony.’
‘So?’
‘So it’s the perfect opportunity for you to kill him.’
‘How?’
‘You know how.’
‘Enlighten me.’
‘You’ve got the robes. Cooper’s gun. And a copy of the Order of Service. Do you want me to draw you a diagram? Because if you do, you’ve got one of those as well. It gives you the layout of the Lodge Room.’
‘It’s too risky. No, it’s not too risky. It’s insane.’
‘When has that ever stopped you?’
‘Dressing up as a Knight and shooting Keen? How would I get away afterwards?’
‘That’s a detail I’m sure you can take care of.’
‘No. I’m going to wait until September. That’s the perfect opportunity.’
‘It’s not right to get kids involved, Dave. It’s your responsibility.’
‘Why is it my responsibility?’
‘Because you’re my son. You have to do this. Alone.’
‘Make up your mind, mum. First you tell me I should keep away from Keen, now you want me to murder him.’
‘No, you decided that. It was your conscience that made that decision.’
‘September is fine. So stop nagging me, mum. Don’t interfere.’
‘Do the right thing, Dave. Don’t get kids to do your dirty work. They’ve been through enough.’
‘I know what they’ve been through. That’s why I agreed to help them.’
‘You know Keen got me to play Mary Magdalene? He and other knights gathered round me, watching me as I danced. Treated me like a prostitute. It was so humiliating.’
‘To be fair, you didn’t have to do it, mum. You could have said “no”.’
‘No one says “no” to Keen.’
‘Well, I’m saying “no” to you now. And I don’t care if you play “El Paso” at full blast again.’
She regarded him coldly. ‘I should have thought you’d want to avenge your mother.’
‘Avenge your humiliation? Or your death? You never make it entirely clear.’
‘That’s because you’re meant to work it out. You’re the detective.’
‘But you’re still holding back information.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Like: why did you get involved with a creep like Cooper?’
‘There’s no time to go into that now. You realise I will be in your mind constantly, until you agree?’
‘I figured that, mum. But, with work and sex, and Emerson, Lake and Palmer, I’m pretty certain I can keep you at bay. Try as hard as you like; I won’t let my guard down.’
‘Don’t make me up the ante, son. If you suppress your inner voice, it will just come back louder than ever. I will endlessly remind you of what you have to do on the 22nd of July.’
‘Do your worst, mum. If necessary, I will take up smoking, drinking and jogging, as well as liquorice, to keep you out of my head. How’s that? Give up, because you’re never going to win.’
Dave took the album ‘Brain Salad Surgery’ out of its eerie Giger cover and began to play it. And just for good measure, he decided to read a book at the same time. That would really drown her out. He pulled a book off the shelf at random.
It was Catch 22.
Goodnight, John-boy is the second book in the Read Em And Weep series and you can buy it digitally or as a paperback.