Broz 1 The Soul Lock: Sample pages
"IN THE RANKS OF THE EMPIRE, HORSE WAS NEXT TO HORSE AND THEIR WARRIORS ALL WERE MASSED – ELDERS, FLORANS, FUNGOIDS AND HUMANS."
Last week, I introduced Broz, the fantasy saga I wrote for France with artist Adrian Smith. It’s a shame the series was cancelled, and it was never translated into English, so I’m sharing some pages and script from the volumes over the next couple of weeks.
You’ll see that my script doesn’t exactly match up with the artwork: that’s completely normal as the artist adapts and creates their own vision.
I hope you enjoy this Broz taster: let me know what you think in the comments!
PAGE ONE right hand page. (Note that this will therefore be different to Requiem which starts on a left hand)
1. Winter. Snow. A desolate landscape. Although not apparent here, possibly allow for river in general proximity later.
The survivors of a battle approach. They are too far away for us to recognise. But later we will see that they are:
A mixed army of Elders (Elves), Humans, Florans, and Fungoids
We are seeing this from the point of view of Nectar. So it's probably a back view of her. The long coat you suggested sounds brilliant. The longer the better. Because this can give her a pre-Raphaelite, French Lieutenant's Woman look.
PANEL: THE NORTHERN REALM. WINTER. NEAR RAVENSFIELD.
NO DIALOGUE.
2. Suggest the same angle. Nectar with her back to us. But now…The army draw closer, although again we needn't see them in any detail.
NECTAR: NO!
3. The first survivors trudge past us. Wounded, bloody, bandaged, sad, depressed, lost. Most have lost their horses. Characters mentioned below are described in notes. Even Remo is looking fed-up here.
NECTAR: THORN…? BRIAR…? REMO…? WHERE'S BROZ?
4. They don't reply. They trudge towards us, eyes looking blankly ahead. Nectar out of view here.
NO DIALOGUE
5. A few fungoids follow. See new notes above. Names can be varied to suit whatever you design. A beautiful female fungoid like Chanterelle and a beautiful but deadly female like Amanita could be inspiring names. Stinkhorn suggests he was a grenadier. Nectar questions them, too.
NECTAR: AMANITA …? STINKHORN…? CHANTERELLE…? HAVE YOU SEEN BROZ…?
6. Close up of Nectar looking distraught at the camera. With those slight freckles you've given her, she has a softer look in front profile
NECTAR: PLEASE! HAS ANYONE NEWS OF BROZ? WHAT'S HAPPENED TO HIM?
PAGE FIVE (RIGHT HAND PAGE)
1. FLASHBACK . The Raven flies over the battlefield. The Imperial Forces are gathered, waiting to attack. As described below and in notes. But this is just an overall impression of a vast army. We'll see them in closer detail later
PANEL: IN THE RANKS OF THE EMPIRE, HORSE WAS NEXT TO HORSE AND THEIR WARRIORS ALL WERE MASSED – ELDERS, FLORANS, FUNGOIDS AND HUMANS. THEIR LANCES WERE LIKE TRUNKS OF FOREST TREES. THEIR BANNERS LIKE ENDLESS SAILING CLOUDS. AND ALL THEIR TENTS WERE LIKE DRIFTING SNOWS.
2. Lord Raspad and Lady Zaraza are seated outside a tent, drinking wine ahead of the battle. Her empath can be grovelling close by.
Suitable fantasy guard on either side.
He probably wears Excalibur style armour, but helmet off. I like your head-dress for her. She probably watches from the side lines.
The Raven circles high above them.
PANEL: AND LEADING THEM WAS LORD RASPAD HIMSELF WITH HIS WIFE THE LADY ZARAZA.
3. We close in now on Raspad and Zaraza. Zaraza is stunningly beautiful. Note - although Raspad is half fungoid, I think his skin can be clear and just a solid red and maybe white - perhaps the white is a side effect of the mutation.
They smile charmingly at each other; here and subsequently. Being very "English", they don't believe in showing emotion.
LORD RASPAD: YOU LOOK VERY LOVELY TODAY, MY DEAR. HAVE YOU IRONED YOUR FACE SPECIALLY FOR THE BATTLE?
LADY ZARAZA: SUCH A POISONOUS TONGUE YOU HAVE, MY DARLING. I SUPPOSE IT'S THE FUNGOID SIDE OF YOUR NATURE.
4. Close in on them further. Zaraza smiles sweerly.
LADY ZARAZA: HOW FORTUNATE A MONGREL LIKE YOU MARRIED A FULL BLOODED HUMAN.
LORD RASPAD: AM I REALLY SO FORTUNATE? YOU HUMANS ARE SO LIMITED. AFTER ALL, YOU CAN ONLY SEE ELEMENTALS LIKE ME AS A BLUR.
5. Just the Lady Zaraza, recalling occasions where Raspad being just a blur helps! We'll show the blur on another occasion.
LADY ZARAZA: TRUE. BUT THAT CAN SOMETIMES BE AN ADVANTAGE.
6, Raspad silently reacts to this insult. He's very "English", so he's not going to show his emotions. But one eyebrow can go up very slightly. Think of Roger Moore.
And maybe the mouth turning down slightly, suggestive of his inbred throw-back nature.
NO DIALOGUE
7. Both of them.
LORD RASPAD: IN FACT, IT STRIKES ME HOW LUCKY YOU ARE TO BE THE WIFE OF A LORD OF THE EMPIRE.
LADY ZARAZA: I SEE… AND WHAT PUT THAT IN YOUR MIND? AS I RECALL, I WAS WELL ENOUGH OFF WITHOUT YOU.
PAGE SEVEN (RIGHT HAND)
1. Lady Zaraza and Raspad look on as the empath stares into space, seeking the inner worlds for the outcome of the battle. Your character sketch is great.
ZARAZA: WELL, SEER – IS FORTUNE WITH US THIS DAY? HOW WILL THE BATTLE GO?
SEER: I SEE IT CRIMSON. I SEE IT RED.
LORD RASPAD: IMPRESSIVE. THAT KIND OF PREDICTION IS REALLY WORTH PAYING A THOUSAND GOLD CROWNS A YEAR FOR.
2. Raspad continues with his sarcasm, Zaraza cuts him short
RASPAD: THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO YOU, MY DEAR, BUT RED WOUNDS ARE ACTUALLY QUITE COMMON WHEN LARGE ARMIES GET TOGETHER AND KILL EACH OTHER.
ZARAZA: QUIET! WHAT OF THE REBELS, SEER?
3. The seer continues. Raspad also continues his sarcasm
SEER: I SEE THEM CRIMSON. I SEE THEM RED.
LORD RASPAD: IT GETS BETTER ALL THE TIME. THIS IS A SEER WITH AN ASTONISHING GIFT OF PRECOGNITION.
ZARAZA: WHAT ELSE?
4. The seer now sees a scene of real horror
SEER: I SEE A BATTLE! A DARK HAIRED MAN!
WITH MUCH BLOOD ABOUT HIM
HALF HUMAN, HALF ELDER,
A MAN OF STAUNCH RESISTANCE, ARROGANT PRIDE
AND A WILLINGNESS TO MAKE ANY SACRIFICE –
EVEN TO THE EXTENT OF MURDER AND MARTYRDOM!
5. We close in on the seer. Perhaps we see the silhouette of Broz in the seer's eyes; or even the shadow of Broz on the tent wall behind her; locked in conflict.
SEER:
HIS JAW IS SETTLED IN A SNARL
HE WEARS HEAVY ARMOUR AND A BLACK CLOAK
HE TOWERS ON THE BATTLFIELD
SMITING ALL WHO COME BEFORE HIM
WHOLE HOSTS HE DESTROYS
MAKING DENSE MASSACRE
IN HUNDREDS THEY YIELD THEIR HEADS TO HIM
THE BLOOD STARTS FROM THEIR WOUNDS
THERE IS TOTAL RUIN AT HIS TOUCH.
WOMEN WAIL AND MEN SCREAM BECAUSE OF HIM!
6. Raspad knows who he means. Zaraza wants more information.
LORD RASPAD: BROZ.
ZARAZA: AND DOES HE DIE TODAY? LOOK CAREFULLY, SEER! WHAT HAPPENS TO HIM. WHAT DO YOU SEE?
7. The seer looks with horror into the unknown.
SEER: I SEE HIM CRIMSON! I SEE HIM RED!
PAGE TEN AND ELEVEN A SPREAD
ADRIAN.., YOU CAN CHOOSE THE SPREAD IMAGE… It could be the first or the last pic… or both those pics… with others smaller.
1. General action shot. Include whichever details of battle you prefer. Salamanders, explosions, primitive whip tanks, general action - whatever suits you. (As you suggested, let's keep the Gleeva back for the time being)
Broz in the thick of the action, but we'll see more of him in a moment
The bird flies overhead looking greedily downwards!
PANELS
AND AS I FLEW OVERHEAD, SUCH SLAUGHTER I SAW!
OF BATTLING WARRIORS AND HORSES, TRIUMPHANT AND DYING HEROES.
(2) WITH GLEAMING SHIELDS , HELMETS, SPEARS, AXES AND SWORDS OF THE KORRUPTORS AND NOBLE INCORRUPTIBLES CAST TO THE GROUND!
(3); SO MANY BRIGHT, SPARKLY THINGS TO CATCH MY EYE!
REBELS: BROZ! BROZ! BROZ!
IMPERIAL FORCES: RASPAD! RASPAD! RASPAD!
2. Goluban (and some of his sons) are killed. Possibly by grenade explosion.
PANEL: AMONG THE FALLEN WERE OLD GOLUBAN. HE LOST HIS LIFE AT THE BEGINNING. ALONG WITH HIS EIGHT SONS.
3. Bohko is killed - maybe by another gunpowder weapon
PANEL: AND BOSHKO REMAINS ON THE BATTLEFIELD ALSO.
4.Agar is run through by several spears and swords
PANEL: AGAR DIED, TOO. WITH BLOOD UP TO HIS KNEES, HE LOST HIS NOBLE LIFE.
5. As the battle rages, the raven swoops down on a feathered helmet that's rolled away from its owner.
PANEL; I SAW A HELMET LYING ON THE GROUND AND I FLEW DOWN TO REACH IT. I FANCIED THE FEATHERS ON IT!
RAVEN: KAW! KAW!
6. The raven chats up the feathered helmet; speaking suggestively to it. It thinks it's a female raven.
Close by, a section of ground has opened and a pair of eyes are staring out from underground at the helmet.
RAVEN: KAK? KAK? KAK?
7. Classic Conan/Slaine style pic as Broz on horseback mows down a great heap of Imperial soldiers and addresses more.
His horse can be cutting down Imperial soldiers , too, with its hooves and teeth
The raven looks up from the feathered helmet.
PANEL:
AND THERE I SAW BROZ ; IN THE MIDST OF ALL THE FIGHTING, ADDRESSING HIS ENEMIES.
BROZ; IN YOUR REALM, EVERY MOTHER MOURNS. BEREAVED OF HER CHILD, SHE SHEDS HOT TEARS, ASKING "WHY DID I SEND MY SON TO SERVE UNDER THE EMPEROR'S BANNER?"
(2): SO I ASK YOU IN THE NAMES OF YOUR MOTHERS TO JOIN THE ALLIANCE …
(3): END THE WINTER OF TYRANNY! BEGIN THE SPRING OF FREEDOM!
(4) OR DIE BY MY HAND HERE AT RAVENSFIELD!
1. Double page spread of Castle Mrak. Night. As you suggested- like Edinburgh Castle. Consider Baroque, especially, for fantasy architecture.
The flag of the empire flies over it.
PANEL: THE NORTHERN REALM. WINTER. CASTLE MRAK.
PANEL: "RELEASE THE PRISONER ."
PANEL: "THAT'S VERY KIND OF YOU, CARDINAL. SO LORD RASPAD HAS FINALLY COME TO HIS SENSES? "
PANEL: "HE APOLOGISES FOR IMPRISONING YOU, BLAGO. AN UNFORTUNATE MISUNDERSTANDING."
PANEL: "YES. VERY UNFORTUNATE FOR RASPAD IF I'D WRITTEN A SONG ABOUT HIM …"
PANEL: "TRUE. HOWEVER, HE COULD NOT FEATURE IN ONE OF YOUR SONGS IF YOU ARE DEAD."
PANEL: "THAT SOUNDS LIKE A THREAT, CARDINAL."
PANEL: "SHALL WE SAY A REMINDER TO BE MORE DISCREET IN FUTURE, BLAGO?"
LESSER PICS ON THE SPREAD:
2. Dungeons.
Blago has been released and will accompany Muskaria through the dungeons and up into the castle.
The visuals here are up to you… We might see other elemental prisoners; we might focus on the burly jailer; or just on the two characters as they leave the cells.
The characters are: Blago, complete with troubadour guitar/lute and Cardinal Muskaria.
Blago we've already discussed. Certainly a real eccentric. Apart from Tom Baker, Merlin in Excalibur would be another strong basis. He is my favourite Merlin!
Cardinal Muskaria is a Fungoid; with similar stunning red colouring to Amanita, but with possibly toad-like features. Optional. His robes are also red. He is our Cardinal Richelieu/Cardinal Mazarin. The religion they follow here is a formalized version of Shamanic mushroom taking. There is some evidence that early Judaism /Christianity also involved a mushroom cult. If you're interested, check out on web John Allegro's The Mushroom and the Cross. Written by a very conventional and important academic who deciphered the Dead Sea Scrolls, it caused an uproar and became a hippy classic. There was even a suggestion that the early priests' hats were based on a mushroom design. At some point I will re-read that book to develop the character of the Cardinal.
His name - with musk in it - suggests he can emit some hypnotic or deadly odour.
Because we are dealing with Fungoid characters, we'd be silly not to feature a sacred mushroom belief system. And there should be a religion.
BLAGO: BUT YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T KILL ME, CARDINAL. THE GODDESS OF FORTUNE IS IN LOVE WITH ME. I'M PROTECTED BY HER.
CARDINAL MUSKARIA: SO YOU CLAIM.
3. Head shot of Cardinal
The Cardinal has toad-like bulbous eyes. One of them revolves , a little like a fruit machine. It starts to do this now.
CARDINAL MUSKARIA: HOWEVER, YOU MIGHT TRY EVEN HER PATIENCE ONE DAY, BLAGO.
(2): I SHOULD LIKE TO BE THERE WHEN THAT HAPPENS.
4. The Cardinal's eye has revolved and we see there is an axe tattoed on his eyeball. Or other symbol suggesting death. . E.G. Gallows.
Later, it can revolve again and we see the symbol for the state - that flag design you're working on. And the sacred mushroom. And other symbols. The eye is as big as a golf ball, but needn't be facetted. The tattoes are part of some initiation rite.
NO DIALOGUE
5.This pic can show both of them. Or just the Troubadour; with the Cardinal off pic.
Blago sings as he strums his guitar, walking casually up the stairs from the dungeons.
BLAGO: CHAINS CANNOT HOLD ME, KEYS CANNOT IMPRISON ME…
CARDINAL MUSKARIA OR VOICE: PERHAPS YOU WOULD SING AT THE BANQUET? PROVIDED YOU CAN EXCLUDE SONGS ABOUT POLITICS, SEX, RELIGION AND MAGIC.
6. Just Cardinal
CARDINAL MUSKARIA: PEOPLE WHO ARE TALL, SHORT, FAT , THIN OR HAVE DISABILITIES.
(2): CRIME, WAR, AND THE DIFFERENT RACES OF THE EMPIRE, PARTICULARLY ETHNIC MINORITIES AND HALFLINGS.
(3); AND ANY OTHER SUBJECT LIKELY TO CAUSE OFFENCE TO OUR GUESTS.
7. Troubadour looks airily at Cardinal. Troubadour has a very Tom Baker Doctor Who feeling here. Cardinal looks a bit paranoid. (Adrian, there's a touch of Torquemada about this guy, who we may be able to develop a little along such lines later)
TROUBADOUR: HOW ABOUT THE WEATHER?
CARDINAL MUSKARIA: H'MM…. I'M NEVER SURE ABOUT THE WEATHER. I ALWAYS FEEL THERE'S SOMETHING POTENTIALLY SUBVERSIVE IN SONGS ABOUT THE WEATHER…
(2): IT COULD BE SEEN AS A METAPHOR FOR CRITICISING THE EMPIRE.
8. The Cardinal's eye revolves and we see the sinister sign for the empire
NO DIALOGUE
PAGE THIRTY THREE RIGHT HAND
1. The wheel starts to spin! Longfinger instinctively wants to lean forward and hold onto the wheel.
LONGFINGER: HOLD ON!
2. Longfinger is looking desperate as he holds onto the wheel.
LONGFINGER: IT'S OUR ONLY HOPE!
3. They are propelled up towards the summit of the wheel. Rosa takes control; preparing to jump; turning to face the building…
ROSA: NO! DON'T HOLD ON…! LET GO…!
4. They're flung fantastically high in the air by the spinning water wheel. This should be more James Bond style than ultra-realistic.
ROSA: JUMP!
5. They reach out and hang onto the side of the building. Probably onto small balcony projecting around the window.
ROSA: MADE IT!
6. They look at each other and grin.
LONGFINGER: PHEW!
7. Longfinger clambers onto the balcony. Rosa does the same.
LONGFINGER: NOW FOR THE LOCK…
8. Longfinger uses one of his long tree fingers to pick the lock
NO DIALOGUE
9. They enter the creepy interior. Maybe internal shot looking out at them.
LONGFINGER: WE'RE IN.
Let's just pretend that this wasn't a Pat Mills story and I went into this blindly.
Artwork? Awesome. Such a great blend of Old Warhammer/40k/Fighting Fantasy/D&D/70s Fantasy... I'd get it just for that.
Story? Sounds very promising, efficient hooks being laid, protagonists being introduced with specific quirks up front. Dark humour! Excellent.
Specifics? The mushroom and the cross as source material? 😂 Genius! Now I know that this story will actually have something to say and won't just be any other fantasy type "meh" strip.
And that, my friends, is why Pat Mills is a Master Storyteller, regardless of the medium. Roll on the rest of this story, it already looks superb 😄👌
Looks great. Shame that there isn't a version in English.